Tidying up the garage

I am tidying up the garage this week, turning out the shelves and throwing away stuff. I usually do this once a year to check on food storage, 72 hour kits and to organize camping equipment, and tools. I haven't done this for two years. It has been a lower priority since my energy levels started to  dwindle. Many projects had to be put on hold.

I often feel powerless; like when I struggled to stand up for 10 seconds because I got dizzy. Gradually, I've been pulling myself together to start making progress and to put my house back in order. The lawn mower will not start. I've taken it apart several times and I believe it is because the gas intake is clogged. I've been digging out tree roots that have now sprouted into 5 foot saplings. I'm chopping out the roots with a pick ax. It has helped me to gauge how well my back has been healing. I installed a lamp next to my wife's side of the bed. It felt good to see her using the lamp, lying comfortably perched under the soft light reading a Ladies Home Journal magazine. It was an easy thing to do but it took me over 15 years to finally get it installed.

I have felt my heartstrings pulled during this ordeal; a mix of anger, sadness, fear that the cancer might be reasserting itself. When I've felt like giving up, I think about how far I've come and start counting my blessings. I have a wife who has supported me through a tough time, three children who are talented, a job that provided short and long term disability benefits. I had time to complete a 12 week round of chemotherapy, undergo surgeries and then recover from a broken back. Daily regimens that require juicing fresh fruits and vegetables, enemas, and physical therapy. Friendly neighbors who offer a listening ear, and help out.