Gaining Traction

I will return to work as a Senior Information Developer on January 4, 2016. I am grateful for the 3 month contract. I will continue searching for longer term employment.

I'm gaining traction. It has been 1 month since I felt the tumor in my abdomen. I have been going to bed at 9:30 pm and waking up at 5-6 am for a month. I find it interesting how my body cues me when it is time for sleep. I feel my mind slowly wind down, my muscles relax and there is the peaceful bliss waiting for me. As it comes time to wake up around 5 am, I can feel my body temperature rise. My mind starts to wind up into gear and I start recounting for what I am grateful. First off, I really like waking up in a warm space. I like how my feet feel touching the soft carpeted floor. I'm usually thirsty so I enjoy a glass of water and find myself thinking about how good the water tastes. I look in the bathroom mirror and I try to laugh at whatever goofy style my hair has been set during the night. Sometimes, I'm tempted to let it stay but I pick up a comb and put it all back into place. Nothing is quite so wonderful as a shower. I whisper thank you for the option to take it as cold or as hot as I like. I recall the times during winter that I showered with cold water in a freezing cold bathroom. When I turned the water on, the pipes crackled as they broke the ice. I worked up a sweat before showering and as the water hit me, the space would fog up. I am grateful for health; Gerson Therapy works. This is a good day to live.

Finding my Courage

I have been searching for my courage. The will to write that novel that I know that I could, go out on my own to establish my business, LogIntuit. Fulfill my destiny. In the past 7 months, no one will hire me. I have applied for over a 100 jobs, interviewed dozens of times but the door is closed again and again.

Recently, I wrote a 560 word article about a bowling alley that will be published in a local paper and did it for free. I feel exhilarated, excited and can't wait to write another article. I don't care if I get paid, I just need to write. It is a fire that will not be ignored. I can't sit still, I twitch with a nervous tick as ideas desire to be recorded. I wrote another article today, The Confidence to Network. I think it is good writing.

I suppose it has always been in my blood to write. I remember as a five year old hoarding paper. I would gather all of the paper I could find in the house, in boxes, drawers and collect it in my room. I taught myself to write in cursive lettering before I started kindergarten. I began writing before I learned to read. It was just in my psyche that I had something to record.

The tumor has began a new stage. I can feel it in my back, it aches sometimes like it is communicating with me. What is it saying? It seems to be teaching me who I really am and what I need to be doing. It swells, aches or recedes as I behave in certain ways. I have some wonderful stories that need to be told. Sometimes I hear them talking among themselves plotting how to escape from my head. Maybe they have found a way to get me to humble myself, take a space of time to rethink what I am going to do. No one is certain that it is going to work, it is so risky--I might die. The tumor continues to respond to food choices, emotions, thoughts. It seems to get better when I act or behave in a certain way and it grows irate when I choose poorly. It's feedback is clear.

Juicing to Shrink a Tumor

I started writing a journal this week to record my food choices, work outs and therapy experiences. Today, I woke up and felt stronger. The tumor has receded a little bit more. My juice this morning used 2 celery stalks, 1 apple, 1 lemon, 1/3 cabbage, 3  beets, 1 tsp chia seeds, 2 oz Kombachu, 1 oz mango, and a piece of ginger and turmeric. Kombachu gives the drink a little fizz and makes it taste a little bit dangerous. I find this helps to shrink the tumor a little more.

Chemotherapy or... DIE!

I went to talk to my bishop to get counsel. I told him that I was trying alternative approaches for my cancer treatment. I told my Bishop that I would rather die than undergo chemotherapy, surgery and/or radiation treatments. They are destructive and painful. They require a lot of courage to face and they only treat the cancer with little hope of a cure. He asked if it was because of the cost? No, it wasn't the cost. I explained it was more of a principle. In the long term, I wanted to avoid damaging my body as much as possible. Treatment may help you stay alive but it creates a lot of problems too.

I changed my mind and submitted to chemotherapy when the pain and swelling from the tumor got too bad. The tumor enlarged to the point that I couldn't eat more than 2 teaspoons of food at a time and I was starting to have trouble breathing. I had a port installed and started Chemotherapy at Central Utah Clinic July 2013.

 It took 5 hours, 5 days a week with a week in between to recover. Each day, the nurses  inserted a large needle into the port in my chest above the left breast. The nurse would start each session with a large bag that contained saline solution that took about 20 minutes to finish dripping. I would then have to use the restroom about 3-5 times during the session to help protect the kidneys. This was followed by a smaller bag that contained anti-nausea medicine and up to three chemo drugs: etoposide, cisplatin  and a shot that I got once a week, bleomycin, that was administered with a syringe and cost $3,000! On the "recovery" week I received a bleomycin shot. I remember watching all of the air bubbles in the tubes afraid at first that this was dangerous. Sometimes the nurse would bleed off the air and reassured me that I wasn't at any real risk.

Before the chemo started, I was taking ibuprofen and Tylenol in large doses around the clock. After the first chemotherapy treatment, I felt significant pain relief and after the first week stopped taking pain meds. I didn't notice any side effects the first week apart from fatigue. I think the tumor sucked up most of the medicine since it was growing so fast.

Diagnosis Testicular Cancer

I found a strange little bulge in my groin area one day. At first I thought maybe a testicle had somehow migrated up or something weird like that. I visited Dr. Stubbs, my primary care provider about this concern. She referred me to a surgeon in American Fork. Dr. Peterson diagnosed an inguinal hernia. However there were several other symptoms that I described and it caused him a lot of concern. He told me that it sounded like I had more than just a hernia. The hernia was uncomfortable and painful. I hated feeling like a snake was crawling down my leg.

An inguinal hernia occurs when soft tissue, usually part of the membrane lining the abdominal cavity (omentum) or part of the intestine, protrudes through a weak point in the abdominal muscles. My hernia looked like a bulge in the groin area that became more prominent when standing up.  The bulge would disappear when I laid down. I tried to manage the hernia wearing a special support underwear but it seemed to get worse as time went on. I wanted to avoid having the hernia becoming 'incarcerated' which would require emergency surgery. As the hernia progresses, intestines can descend into the hernia and runs the risk of being pinched within the hernia, causing an intestinal obstruction. I visited Dr. Stubbs again when I felt a another bulge in my abdomen, a firmness. She consulted with Dr. Savage and they both agreed that I should get a CT scan. I resisted getting a CT Scan. I kept denying that anything was really wrong.

After the CT scan, I got a call from Dr. Stubbs, the scan revealed a large tumor mass. I had a very difficult time accepting the diagnosis of cancer. Yes, I had a large tumor mass in my abdomen and I had a lot of unexplained sickness and fatigue. When Dr. Stubbs talked to the radiologist, she felt that the best course of action would be to immediately check me into the oncology ward. It was her fear that my life was in jeopardy. However, I felt confused and upset by this course of action. I didn't see how sitting or laying in a hospital bed would make a difference and I'm always wary of hospitals because of the risk of infection, i.e. Staph. I talked to Dr. Stubbs and she related how the situation came across to her. The radiologist was alarmed by the size of the tumor mass and wondered how I could walk. She hoped that I could stay in the hospital a few days and get the tumor removed as soon as possible.

Cancer therapy is much more complicated and requires some analysis to determine what kind of cancer is present and a qualified Oncologist to evaluate the best treatment options. This led me to scheduling a biopsy. A core needle biopsy (CNB) is performed using a hollow needle to withdraw small cylinders (or cores) of tissue from a tissue mass. I was given an anesthesia where I remained awake and aware that there was a needle being stuck in my back but not feeling any pain. The doctor placed the needle into the mass using an x-ray image to guide him. The first biopsy took 5 samples but the test came back with no results because all of the tissue sampled was dead. It left a small bruise in my back and was sore for about a week.

I was upset at the results and a little irrational. I refused to talk to  Dr. Stubbs or the surgeon Dr. Peterson for several weeks. I was upset because of the cost, hassle and trouble this whole process required. I talked to another surgeon and scheduled another core needle biopsy that would take a sample and a doctor would be present to analyze each sample until they got enough live samples. This test required 25 samples and 5 were live samples. They had drawn some fluid which indicated that the tumor had grown so fast that some of the tissue in the core had died and became liquified.

How Essiac Tea Helps my Cancer

I'm brewing up another 2 gallon batch of Essiac or Cassi Tea this morning.  The process requires two 12 quart stock pots. I fill the first pot with 2 gallons of water and bring it to a boil. I add a cup of Cassi-Tea mix and stir for 10 minutes. I lower the heat, cover and let it sit for 6 hours.

The tea is a mix of 4 herbs: Sheep Sorrel, Burdock Root, Slippery Elm Bark, and Turkey Rhubarb.

A simple and elegant combination of herbs that I have walked past in my hikes. As a 5 year old I loved grabbing Rhubarb from a neighbors garden and still admire this hardy plant. I've hugged an Elm tree and enjoyed it's shade in the summer. I started drinking Cassi Tea about 7 months ago.

I talked to my sister Lynell on the phone and she reminded me that Essiac or Cassi Tea would help speed my recovery. At the time, I was sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner recovering from 12 weeks of chemotherapy. I was starting to feel better but wanted to make sure that I did everything I could to cleanse my body of the chemo drugs and the cancer cells that were still active. I purchased the tea from an herb shop in Orem called Healthy Herbal Nutrients or HHN. It cost about $43 dollars with Utah state tax. The kit contains 4 packets of herbs in the correct proportions. I poured each pouch into a 22.8 cup Flip top Snapware airtight storage container. I shake the container to mix the ingredients and it renders 7 cups of mix.

The tea tastes like tree bark mixed with some roots dug out of the ground. I used to play alchemist when I was younger mixing up grasses, barks and leaves to see what it would taste like. I drink a cup of Cassi tea in the first thing in the morning. I notice that the tea helps keep me regular, gives a little energy boost and helps me feel better. My cancer indicators hcG and AFP levels continued to go lower. The tea is great for a host of other health problems too.

Massage and the Cancer Tumor

I started massage therapy to treat a back and neck injury caused by a car accident. Dr. Gunther, the chiropractor prescribed massage treatments to help with neck and lower back pain. I visited Brad Clarke in his office and was available and started a massage treatment. My first impression of Brad was that he has an athletic demeanor. I mean he looks like an athlete. He has a solid looking frame and strong arms. I soon learned that he also knows how to leverage those arms to give good, consistent deep tissue massage. His knowledge of Qigong was very helpful for restoring range of motion and loosening up tight muscles. He has a gift for this work combining several complimentary techniques. I liked how he helped to balance each side of the body, for example, enabling me to lift legs with equal effort.

The tumor puts pressure on the lumbar spine and protrudes forward that can be felt around the stomach and intestines. Brad uses a technique to activate pressure points in the intestines. The process is a little painful but it had an unexpected effect. I could feel the tumor tingle and burn. I could feel where it was in my body, the size and shape. It still has a mushroom shape with the bell in the back and the stem protruding forward. I came home and laid down to rest. On one occasion, I felt all of the pain from leave for a short time and fell into a blissful restful state for the next couple of hours. I feel like the massage has helped to release the pain and to help me in my desire to restore my body back to normal. I would not have guessed that massage treatments would be so helpful.

Aubergine & Company helps with Cancer

I like good food. It goes further though for me because I'm fighting for my life. I'm convinced that I grew a large basketball sized tumor because of my diet. There are many claims that Cancer grows in an acidic environment. My body is hosting an aberration, a perverse set of cells that are going to town growing, thriving and ultimately, killing me. Ugh. I have discovered that many restaurants and fast food serve low quality, acid causing food. However, I am thrilled to recommend Aubergine & company. They offer high quality food at a reasonable price. It is a bargain when you consider how much it costs to source all of the ingredients, chop them up and sit down and eat. It is a challenge to eat it before it all goes bad and buy ingredients that are organic, antibiotic free meat and bring together everything for a lunch served in minutes.

I found this oasis of good eating while shopping at Sprouts. I juice a lot of carrots, beets, apples, celery and it requires frequent trips to this store. I find the store has a welcoming environment, helpful store associates and fair prices. I appreciate their friendly and helpful attitude. It is such a blessing to be able to visit, shop and trust that you are buying food safe to eat and feed to your family.

Another important factor is what I like to call the mileage you get out of your lunch. Do you go back to work and find that you are starving at 2:00 and are tempted to eat a bag of Doritos or a pop-tart? Or worse tempted to steal a coworkers leftovers left in the refrigerator? I found that the lunch is satisfying while giving you the energy to continue until dinner time. Disclaimer: you may find this food is difficult to digest if you are in the habit of eating highly processed foods. As you eat less processed foods, your body will absorb more out of it easily and render more energy available enjoying life! Buen Provecho!

So far, I have visited the Orem location three times. The menu is mainly mixed salads, sandwiches and Acacia bowls. The first time, I tasted the large Tuscany salad with Italian dressing and pita bread. I liked the flavors but I had a hard time tasting the dressing because there was so much chopped greens. I added ginger dressing to the salad. I think my sense of taste has been harmed from chemotherapy, because my wife tasted the salad and said it was an explosion of flavor or "a party in my mouth". I ate the entire salad and it made me feel good. I returned the next day and tried the Greek salad. I'm a big fan of Greek food, especially olives. I was very pleased with this salad with Jalapeno sauce. I returned today and tried the Dream Salad. Omigosh, it was the best salad yet! My goal is to juice and eat the salad each day for a week to see if the tumor shrinks. Wish me luck.

Cancer, Really?

I thought that I was healthy and fit. I had trained 3 hours a day 5 days a week to prepare for an Ironman Triathlon. I noticed that I started sleeping a lot and not feeling well. On the weekends, I would spend a lot of time in bed asleep instead of running or swimming. On Monday, I would get up for work and take the train to commute to the office at Attensity. Everything seemed fine all week until I noticed a lump in my abdomen.

I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Lisa Stubbs at Grandview Family Medicine. After examining me, she recommended a CT scan. I went to Utah Valley Hospital. I had to fast for 12 hours and drink a chalky tasting drink, barium sulfate: A white insoluble radiopaque powder that is used to make certain body parts more visible in x-ray images. Chug, chug, chug.

I received a call from my doctor after she had talked to the radiologist. She said told me that the scan revealed a large tumor mass in the retroperitoneal space in my back and that I needed to be admitted to the hospital immediately. 

I was in shock, cancer? Really? I was escorted to the oncology ward on the 7th floor. The orderlies arranged a bed and wrote a small message on the white board, "7th heaven". My wife arrived and we started to talk. I felt fine and I didn't really understand why I needed to stay in the hospital overnight. I was anxious to return to work the next day, after all. A Nurse practitioner came in gave me some paperwork to fill out. She went over the CT scan with us and asked how I was feeling. It was informative and helpful. I asked if there was anything they could do for me if I signed into the hospital. She told me no but it would speed up the time it took to talk to a surgeon. I don't like hospitals. There are risks, such as staph infection or other bugs that others much more sick than I might be struggling. I declined to sign the paperwork and left the room behind. It felt good to get home to sleep in my own bed.