Emoting and Healing from Cancer

For the past few weeks I've felt the need for release, a good cry. The build up, the aching sore feelings that eventually turns into emptiness. I never realized how much sorrow and grieving are a necessary part of healing. It is not possible to feel joy or recognize the tender mercies the good lord has bestowed. I begin to wonder about things I never considered before. I begin to question why I'm still alive and if I should be? I start to think that maybe my role has been spent.

As I ponder and meditate, I've seen a blank wall, the lone hill, the grim reaper, being shot in the heart. I tore down the rest of my dream board and burned it.

Today, I cried a little. Some of the feelings have finally found a way out. It is a good start; I have not lost the battle. The tumor recedes. And yes, I feel angry, a rage that I wish I could dismiss. I work with a frantic energy to purge, to rid myself of anything that is not needed. Sell it, trash it or give it away; it is all a burden.

Ninety-six applications, 12 interviews, 1 offer, 2.5 days work, 1 dismissal, last unemployment check.