An Ironman Hopefuls Thoughts on Cancer

I'm an athlete. I trained for two years to prepare my body and mind to participate in an Ironman Triathlon. This required discipline. I spent 3 hours a day training, monitoring heart rate, and measuring my performance. I learned how to eat or "fuel" for short or long runs. I learned how to use electrolyte supplements to ease muscle cramps so I could train longer. I hired coaches to help me improve my technique and form with swimming, running and biking. I would concentrate on improving just one or two things in each training session. I focused on improving on what I had done before and shunned any comparisons to others. This was a personal challenge, to improve on my own terms and no one else.

And despite all of this, Testicular cancer manifested in my body. A tumor that ballooned to the size of a basketball that crushed two vertebrae, lumbar 1 and 2. It strangled my stomach so I could not eat more than 2 teaspoons of food at a time and made it hard to breathe. I lost over 60 lbs. and ironically, I looked like I was 6 months pregnant with all of the symptoms, i.e. back ache. I was reduced to sleeping most of the day and kept up at night with dry mouth and a back that ached so badly that I had to muffle my cries in a pillow to not alarm my wife and children.

Death was a looming possibility. All of my efforts seemed to be in vain. I tried many medical devices and healers applied their skills with little effect. Everything that I thought I knew was thrown back into my face in a merciless mockery. I felt guilty for having this sickness. How will my family survive without me? Why did I let this happen? Where is the justice in having this condition? Where art thou God? His answer was simple: "right here. I never left you." I underwent 12 weeks of chemotherapy, you can read about it here. It was harsh, I almost needed a blood transfusion a few times because my white blood cell counts went so low and I had a fever several times. Friends and family prayed for my recovery.

I was comforted and strengthened when I needed it most. My sister Lynell, my brother Mark, my aunt Elma, my cousin Theresa, my nieces Melissa and Leah and my mother came to visit. I had a vision of our family line going back to the patriarchs of old, a wonderful gathering of the family where we sat down for a meal while hearing the stories of our ancestors and afterwards danced together. The witness of the holy ghost was very strong as I related what I saw.

I have made many changes to adapt to living with cancer. I started juicing raw carrots, apples, beets, ginger, turmeric and other mixed greens and fruits. I eat salads with mixed vegetables and nuts as condiments. I drink Peppermint and Essiac tea instead of water. I perform a daily cleansing with a coffee enema. I spend a few hours in quiet meditation and prayer. I write. I work part-time as a technical writer. I walk a mile or two to stretch out my back. Recently, I have been having 3 chiropractic and 2 massage visits a week.

Recovery is coming along well. I track my progress with blood tests, e.g. Alpha-Fetoprotein (AFP) and Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). I monitor the size and shape of the tumor by laying on my back and pressing down into my abdomen. I feel the lump in my back. The shape and size changes daily. I have my doubts some days. I refused an Retroperitoneal lymph node dissection (RPLND) surgery because I thought the price was too high: a kidney, lymph nodes and probably another round of chemotherapy. I still have the goal to complete an Ironman Triathlon.

You're Not Alone Walk with God

The loneliness and isolation is hard. While everyone else is off to get something to eat at a restaurant or those early morning hours staying awake and waiting for the sunrise. It gave me a lot of time to think. I perused Facebook, seeing how much fun everyone was having and I'm stuck in a chair in pain. I reached out in prayer to my savior Jesus Christ many times a day and night. When it got really hard, I felt comforted and strengthened. I know there was family and friends praying for me. God loves us, cares for us and holds out open arms to receive us. We just have to do the same to Him. I open the scriptures and read about others who have been in tough spots and they have always been helped in some way. I know that this experience has taught me a lot. It has given me a perspective about what it feels like to be in pain and fearing what may come next.

I was grateful for my wife, Kelly. She had to pick up a lot of slack while I was down. Managing a household of 3 young girls and making sure everyone got to school on time and that I arrived for my next chemo treatment or doctor visit. She soon realized that she would have to manage our bills and make sure everything was paid on time. I felt a little bit like a pet, since I had to be provided water and food when I couldn't navigate the stairs.

To my mother who even in her own difficulty and struggles, takes a few minutes each day to talk to me on the phone and traveled a few thousand miles to visit me. My sister Lynell, who gave me advice and encouragement having had her own successful cancer remission. Marion Baxter, a cousin that has always been there when I needed her help.

I'm thankful for Patti Bolton, a friend from high school that sent me cards in the mail with words of encouragement. Richard Russon who encouraged me to transform a piece of barren backyard into a garden space. Kathy the nurse practitioner who visited me and answered my questions and quieted my fears. The nurses at the Central Utah Clinic that helped me during those long hours getting Chemo treatments. Dr. Eric Vogel, my dentist and friend who gave me courage to keep fighting the cancer. Steve and Betsy Williams who give assistance and friendship over many years.