Cancer and Anger

An important part of my healing is to acknowledge my anger. I have a series of disappointments and frustration to deal with each day. Sometimes it is the fact that I can't pay all of my bills, or it is a local body shop, Martin's Collision that refused to fix the front end alignment, letting me leave their shop with a tire blow out waiting to happen. I screamed at the manager in frustration. Then the tire shop, Discount Tire doesn't keep records of my tire rotations like they are supposed to. I bring it in often and all they have records of is from October when the tires were installed. IDIOTS!!

I talk to my bishop and he keeps telling me that he isn't passing judgement on my choice of treatment. He emphasizes that people are not talking about me. He goes on and on about what is NOT happening. I just feel more and more angry. He doesn't seem to realize that I didn't even think about these things that he is talking about and in my mind, he is doing all of those things. The tumor swells and burns within me. I just want to hide, the shame is so strong. He can make me angrier than anyone I know. His attempts to reassure me have the opposite effect he intends. At least, I assume... I pray to release these feelings, running and massage therapy helps. Sometimes, I feel calm until someone reminds me that PEOPLE are talking about me, that I am being judged poorly for my attempts to heal. Just need another cup, drain it to the bitter dregs.