Enough about that

Today was very productive, I had a really good day at work . I managed to make a lot of progress and I got some Pokemon. I've been thinking about anger and its relationship of getting a cancerous growth. I just can't help but wonder what I did wrong, how do I let go of these  stupid feelings,  the resentment I have for the doctors that I had to turn to, they helped me get through this but they took something away from me while giving me hope I felt lied to, a mistake in trusting them. sometimes but in trusting them, I survived but there was a point where I had to say you're full of it, what I was doing was working and they wouldn't acknowledge it. I had consider what was working and  wasn't , what was real and what was just basically making someone a helluva of a lot of money and so it's kind of ironic when you spent everything you have and even what you don't have your basically in debt up to your ears if someone calls ask for money how to help with cancer and when I say that I don't have any money or I don't want to  they pressed me for it so I end up saying f*** you and hang up the phone unbelievable you get the worst feelings for others sitting in church is torture then they try to give you a calling and you're too guilty to say that I'm sorry I don't have the strength to do this if they press you smile and said I truly do understand what you're going through how to say you're right so back off sucker and then I feel questioning whether I really still believe this crap but I still believe this cause I still want to serve and the answer comes down to know I really don't we get some part of me does he's just trying to resolve and figure out what it is that I really want I just can't figure out exactly how to come back from where I was if you lost my dreams are in ashes I don't have the same hope the same optimism I am still the brink of bankruptcy love is a little different matter as well I question where that love comes from you where it will go I find a little more callous and at the same time a little more sensitive and can't find what I want to do I finally found employment again I work for a great company I'm working hard I'm really trying and I'm just scared out of my wits the job is only for 3 months have to find a way to get them to come to extend me I try and I may succeed they do and I'm sending me at least for a while and then I still get relentless it's like a cancer it's kind of a as a side effect you left broke your left emotionally damaged and sometimes you just wonder if it's all worth it